Posted by: Ms. Contrarian | 16 September, 2008

pear-shaped…

Once upon a time three years ago, I briefly dated a professional sailor.  Once you’ve stopped snickering, read on…  and banish the image of a young Navy man in uniform.  This guy was hired to race sailboats, big expensive ones, in high-profile races around the world, and was the oldest little boy I’ve ever met.  I had these romantic ideas about where a relationship with him might take me.  In the end, it went nowhere…

At one point, he told me about a World Cup race in which he had come down with some kind of life-threatening obstruction.  Due to some storm off the coast of New Zealand or somewhere, they couldn’t get him off the boat for several days — he was eventually air-lifted in a daring coast guard type maneuver (of which he had no recollection whatsoever), and obviously made a full recovery, but he described the whole experience as having “gone pear-shaped.”

     

When those words came out of his mouth, I was stunned.  It was an expression I don’t think I’d ever heard before, but it’s meaning was nevertheless immediately clear, and immediately offensive, as a pear-shaped Vagina-American.  I mean, it was laughably offensive — not a flog him over the head with my thighmaster kind of moment. 

But it turns out the expression may be utterly wrong…  A situation which has gone pear-shaped traditionally implies a negative connotation, but according to a study released last November, being pear-shaped may actually be a good thing. 

It’s a new dawn, people, and from now on, I will be doing my best to view my hips as “privileged stores of neurodevelopmental resources.”   Apparently the junk in the trunk isn’t junk… it’s omega 3’s - and they’re good for brain development.  Potentially in the woman who has the junk, and quite certainly in the offspring of that woman.  So baby’s got back and brains. 

The original study was published in the journal of Evolution and Human Behavior.  As described in the coverage on ABC: 

“Controlling for other correlates of cognitive ability, women with lower WHRs and their children have significantly higher cognitive test scores,” the study authors note in the article.

And obviously, if Fox News picked up the story, it must be true.

I encourage you to check out the study, and mate accordingly…

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Posted by: Ms. Contrarian | 16 September, 2008

sarah palin baby name generator link…

Ok, this was hilarious…

http://politsk.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah_13.html

Allow me to introduce myself… I am Charcoal Sniper Palin.

Please forgive the simple link to this person’s blog, but I thought this was worth sharing.  So funny.

Enjoy!

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Posted by: Ms. Contrarian | 10 September, 2008

palienation…

Someone I know just asked me why he can’t stop blogging about Sarah Palin.  It really does seem like a virus that’s going around the blogosphere…  and I can’t say I haven’t had a case of it myself.  In fact, here I am coming down with symptoms.  Sometimes I have to sit on my itchy hands to keep from writing something about her…

The TIME article about Alaskonomics sent me off on a tizzy earlier today, as did the cover of today’s LA Times with the photo of Palin supporters lofting their ridiculous Rosie the Riveter Redux signs in the air as though she were some kind of champion for the rights of women.  Absurd!  My greatest fear is that all this attention around her, even the appropriately negative attention, is going to bolster GOP support.  That this white noise of the blogosphere is going to devolve into the kind of thick, gray, choking smoke our current administration has been belching out throughout the last eight years. 

The worst part is, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I feel better.  Apparently, I, too need some kind of support group.  Perhaps that would just further contribute to the problem…  I did find a doll I can stick pins into whenever I feel a touch of the virus coming on…

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Posted by: Ms. Contrarian | 5 September, 2008

RUTHS CHRIS STEAKHOUSE/SEAFOOD…

After a fair amount of yelling at my tv last night, and one fit of giggles over the Piper Palin baby-grooming moment, I thought I would turn an amused eye towards my neglected blog…

I was uninspired though.  I didn’t want to drone on about the convention — frankly I’ve had about as much as I can handle of it for now — all set, thanks.  So I spent the next couple of hours insomniacally (?) surfing.

I eventually made my way to the online dating website where I have an even more neglected page.  Say what you will, online dating is great fodder for entertainment and endless conversations about relationships.  I could even call it research for the blog, if this blog were going even remotely in the direction of where I initially thought it would when I started it.  I can’t say I’ve been on many dates which have come courtesy of the world wide interweb over the years, but the few I have been on have seemed less painful than some derived from more ‘organic’ methods. 

Opening my inbox mailbag last night, I found a message… same title as this posting, same all caps style.  This was the body of the message:  “LET ME TAKE YOU TO DINNER.”  

Oh, where to begin?  This is the part when my married friends breathe a sigh of relief and think ”oh, thank god.”  I think my favorite part is the steakhouse/seafood part.  Although, really the entire title itself is pretty hysterical.  On so many levels.  But the steakhouse ’slash’ seafood is outstanding.  In case I wouldn’t be interested if it were just steak alone, perhaps?  “Oh, but he did mention seafood… hmm… well, that changes things…”  So after recovering from my second giggle fit of the evening, I started to wonder if that email was this particular guy’s best trick play, or just a blanket offensive strategy that he’s figuring nets him maximum coverage with minimal investment?  Do women respond more or less favorably depending on which restaurant he suggests?  Perhaps he’s doing research of his own.  Does he look at each prospective date and decide which joint to suggest?  Hmm… this one looks vegan — better title it “REAL FOOD DAILY” or “LEAF.”  I think I answered my own question on that one…  his profile mentioned RUTHS CHRIS somewhere in a list of favorite things to do.  This guy is obsessed with both the restaurant and constant capitalization.  People who insist upon using all caps – that’s going to have to be reserved for another post.  There’s just too much psychology there.  And apparently it’s a hot button issue for me since it’s the second time I’ve mentioned it.          

Time out for just a second and please forgive the ADD moment — but Colbert has Adam Brickley, the blogger who “discovered” Sarah Palin in early 2007 on his show right now.  Hold for my next fit of giggles.  Again, on so many levels…  Quite the talent scout, this one.   Sorry I don’t have the youtube link for the interview, but I just looked and don’t see it up yet.  Wow, this one’s a character…  Guaranteed Brickley’s sporting the “hottest vp from the coldest state” button which were all over the convention last night (ugh)… or else he went to Minneapolis to visit the same bathroom stall as Larry Craig…  I’m not quite sure.  Either way, he’s super-excited to be a Republican.

Looks like politics just hijacked this posting as well, and my attention span for the evening.  Needless to say, I failed to make a love connection last night — either with the Republicans or with RUTHS CHRIS.  Sorry for all the yelling.

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Posted by: Ms. Contrarian | 29 August, 2008

palin by comparison…

What a difference a day makes, huh?  From last night’s kool-aid high to this morning’s GOP bombshell (pun potentially intended), Governor Sarah Palin has stunned us all.

Perhaps McCain has realized that the next four years, or eight, for that matter, are going to be such an uphill battle, that he has taken it upon himself to fall on the sword…

I’m not ready to weigh in just yet on this pick.  I don’t think we know enough about this woman to rule her out as a possible threat – if for no other reason, because we have seen poor judgement exercised by the masses before when presented with someone who is folksy and homespun instead of reasoned and qualified.  

Yes, McCain’s pick seems patronizingly transparent.  He’s done a hideous job of pandering at its lowest.  One thing I can be certain of is that for the PUMA’s, the most pathetic thing they could do would be to fall into the trap laid before them by the McCain campaign.

I do hope to see Joe Biden wipe the floor with Sarah Palin, and I do hope this is the best birthday gift McCain could have given us, but I’m not sure I trust the general population outside the blue archipelago…

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Posted by: Ms. Contrarian | 29 August, 2008

we cannot turn back…

After shotgunning a healthy dose of the DNC kool-aid tonight, I am having a drunk-on-Obama moment…  and once again, I wax political.

Whenever I hear new parents say that you just can’t imagine what love is or what life is like until you have a child of your own, as one without offspring, I always think “really?”, ”how can you be sure?”, or ”what if it doesn’t feel that way to me?” – and then I smile, nod and acknowledge that I suppose it must be true, because, really, what is anyone supposed to say to that? 

But I actually had a moment tonight, watching the video which aired before Obama’s speech, when I experienced a genuine glimpse of what it must feel like to want your children’s dreams to be so big, and so grand that they are without limits of any kind.  It was a visceral reaction — one that felt like a little individual groundswell.  

That groundswell, I think, was both individual and personal, but it was also collective and much, much bigger than my own tiny moment of awareness.  

It is these moments which we must cherish as individuals and as a country, because they don’t happen enough.  Those moments when we feel proud, when we really do have hope, when we believe that it is perhaps alright, if only for one night, to allow our dreams to be a little bigger and a little grander than reason or history tells us we should.   

When that beautiful family walked out on that stage in front of the world I felt so proud.  This should be our next First Family.  We cannot turn back and we cannot turn our backs on the history and the promise of this moment.

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Posted by: Ms. Contrarian | 28 August, 2008

what a shame…

Once again I find myself blogging political — I said I’d try not to, but damn it, it’s tough to do.  I’m certain to have thoughts on tonight’s DNC speeches as well, but first, I have to go back to last night, because it seems too many people have already let it go. 

Harry Reid had probably the best speech - or one of the best at least - i’ve heard yet - reasoned, wise and on point.

…And it seemed like no one was paying attention. Yeah, he’s probably not going to win any charisma contests. He seems like the nerdy guy you invite to every party you have because he’s smarter than anyone else you know and he makes you look good for being his friend, even though sometimes you don’t understand half of what he’s talking about.

But the content of his message was perhaps more damaging to the McCain train than any preceding or following it. He talked about the snake oil remedies of John McCain’s policies.  Unfortunately I think his delivery was disingenuously gentle, even when his words were not. The background noise on c-span gave off the impression that he didn’t have the crowd’s attention, which sadly meant he wouldn’t have the viewer’s either. Perhaps it was another technical screw up like the lousy camera work when Obama introduced the Girardeau family the other night. It bothered me - I felt like the one student in the lecture who’s trying to hear what the professor is saying and trying to show that not every student is a rude asshole.

I don’t know, I hope you saw it. I think it would have bothered you too. I almost wish someone else had delivered it for him more effectively and during prime time.

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Posted by: Ms. Contrarian | 14 August, 2008

four-legged freaks…

Into the four-legged category falls this video:

More on this later…  I feel like I should go walk my dogs.

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Posted by: Ms. Contrarian | 13 August, 2008

spin cycle…

What’s your favorite thing I did yesterday? Chances are, it was this:

ROLE/DESCRIPTION: WILL NOW SEE LIGHTER WOMEN, COULD HAVE BLONDE HAIR. WILL SPIN AND JUMP AND THROW AND KICK ON CUE. KELLY RIPA TYPE. ATHLETIC, CAREER DRIVEN AND A MOM. MUST BE SOMEWHAT ACROBATIC AND BE ABLE TO DO SOME PHYSICAL MOVES AND HAND MANEUVERS. SHE DOES ALL OF THIS WHILE DELIVERING DIALOGUE.

WARDROBE: CASUAL MOM WITH FLAT SHOES THAT YOU CAN JUMP AND SPIN IN.

I could share the dialogue with you, but it wouldn’t be worth it. Let’s just sum it up by saying that the tagline for the spot is “Be Even More Amazing.”

I’m sure it could end up being a really cute spot, but if I were the casting assistant making shit money to run the camera at these auditions, I’d find a way to confiscate the tapes and post them on YouTube. I can only imagine what went down on those tapes. Women in flat shoes generally making asses of themselves — as inspired by Kelly Ripa. To be even more amazing…

My efforts started with the most contorted yoga position I could pull off in khakis followed by a carefully-timed single pirouette and a what I hope to god was a graceful leap toward the “pretend-there’s-a-dryer-there” while tossing “laundry” like some kind of a gentle, cheerful chest press. Look for it on YouTube.

It’s rare that I have to “practice my cool moves” or “warm-up” in advance of a commercial audition. They’re designed to be quick and dirty, a few lines of dialogue, at most, and generally difficult to rate in terms of how you did. This one wasn’t vastly different, except, like the women’s gymnastics competition, you know if you fell out of a turn, failed to deliver the dialogue facing the camera or lost your breath after a killer roundhouse kick, chances are — y’ain’t gettin’ the gig. Or even a respectable callback. I’ll keep you posted on just how amazing I was yesterday.

I hope you got to be even more amazing today, too. If you didn’t, try a little pirouette or two while you sort lights from darks, maybe a foite as you launch unmentionables into the dryer. Just check to see if anyone’s recording you. And wear flat shoes.

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Posted by: Ms. Contrarian | 13 August, 2008

wildlife info and numbers for los angeles…

Here are a few numbers:

California Wildlife Center 818-222-2658

CWC Emergency Hotline 310-458-9453 (they even handle whale, seal and sea lion emergencies, as well as bobcats and mountain lions)

California Wildlife Hospital 818-591-9453 (they’re affiliated with the center - ***call them directly during normal business hours) located in Calabasas

Pasadena Humane Society 626-792-7151

California Council for Wildlife Rehabilitators - link to resources page

James (licensed rehab specialist) 818-571-9833 (located in Burbank, has his phone on 24/7, does everything but bears and moutain lions)

Another specialist (don’t have the name) can be reached at 661-355-4223.

Hope those help someone.  Good to keep around.  You never know when you might need them. 

**On another note, (this is information from James)…  he said there’s a huge problem with secondary poisoning occurring in the area.  I figure if you’ve read this far, you probably care enough to share this information with someone else… 

Secondary poisoning occurrs when a predatory animal (owls, coyotes, even domestic cats, etc. etc.) eats a rat which has consumed rat poison.  The worst part is that rats re-populate at a MUCH faster rate than their predators.  So the rat population continues to thrive despite the presence of rat poison, but the predators die off and can’t repopulate as quickly.

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